Well, laying in bed and can’t sleep. What a surprise. Diana murdering my mind. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY. I don’t understand why all this is happening. This was never part of the plan to become attached. If anything I tried my hardest to not let that happen.
Now I am worried more than ever. What if this is a one sided-crush? I don’t know if I could handle that. I can feel my throat tighten up and my eyes tense as I write this. I am terrified.
Diana is not the most um… girly of girls. So it is a bit difficult to get a read on her feelings. Which I think makes the whole situation worse for me. Not knowing how she feels gives me anxiety. I’m such a chill, no emotion type of person, so anxiety for me never happens.
I don’t want to tell her how I feel and then her not feel the same way. Then I’ll look stupid, and of course be probably even more fucked in the head than I am right now. SO expressing my feelings to her is just out of the question. With that being said, *stares at keyboard for 5 minutes because I don’t know how to even articulate how I feel right now*
It really pisses me off that I have feelings for her. Okay that sounds bad, I should probably try to expand a bit on that haha. It’s not her that pisses me off, it’s the fact that I care about her more than I probably should. I mean for fuck sake we have only chilled twice. Granted the last time was um… “intimate” okay that makes me sound like a pussy but whatever. I mean the sex was one thing, but I think the cutesy cuddly shit is kind of what fucked everything up.
I regret not kissing her when I left… but then again the fact that we did all that we did and we never kissed kind of says something in itself I think.
I feel really stupid.
Misanthropic Thoughts 